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The Cast. The Tarot.
Dreams. Drugs.
Part One; Sep ’15 to Nov ’15 (Spring). 24 entries of finding my feet. We go on a short holiday and I try liken the experience to a rite of passage, a descent of sorts into a type of underworld. The comparison is a sort of flop, but I guess does establish a theme.
During this part there’s a few dreams thrown into the mix, I decide a bit further down the line to separate the dreams out ~ create a separate menu for them going forward.
I touch on a few symbols, react with some enthusiasm to a book I read, express a few wordy opinions, get into a bit of history involving my psychedelic drug use and introduce my family.
Dec ’15 to May ’16. I N T E R L U D E .
Part Two; Jun ’16 to the present (Winter). I get sucked into another time-consuming hobby over Summer and Autumn and before I know it, it’s six months later. I start this part off explaining we’ve reached a point where we start to use a psychedelic again, a teacher plant, magic mushrooms, although at sub-threshold levels (micro-dosing). As might be expected, we experience a bit of turbulence with re-entry…
Part Two; Jun ’16 to Aug ’16 (Winter).
“Just trying to figure shit out.”
Psilocybin mushrooms. [Jun. 2nd, 2016]
Tangents of thought as the magic mushroom thing slowly gets more built in. Reflections on the effects this recently adopted practice might be having on my mind, and what some of the things going on around me are starting to look like from a view tinted with them, tainted by them.
The Death of Nature.
Gustave Dore [Jun. 4th, 2016]
I struggle to get to grips with what something looks like. I’m not sure I am seeing what I am seeing. I’m not sure I am able to make sense of what it is I am trying to make sense of. There is the surface level of it, and I play a little with what that looks like… The words wind there way towards The Garden of Eden and what T1 & R1 are doing with the place.
Unhappy Birthday.
Strangeways, Here We Come [Jun. 16th, 2016]
Trying to make a little sense of all the words that came before, elaborating on another angle involving B, my wife, whose birthday it is around about now, and how the peak of this experience ends unpleasantly between the two of us.
Out of the Ashes.
N0$ [Jun. 17th, 2016]
We make our way from the mess that was the last three entries into somewhat of a safer space for a moment, for just long enough to catch our breath before diving back into it. First up is getting into another experience we had whilst under the influence involving the burial at sea of our long dead and erstwhile travelling companion N0$; our first child, our first pet.
Stormy Weather.
Half-happy [Jun. 19th, 2016]
Still at the beach the tide turns from something warm and fuzzy to something a little less so. The mood turns sour when our path crosses with that of some other people and I am unable to handle the consequences of crossing paths…
The Garden of Eden.
Marcia Baldwin [Jun. 20th, 2016]
I make my way from whatever there was going on in my head before about ‘The Garden of Eden’, a place one of my sisters bought when they moved down here recently, to what it has become in reality. From something with so much potential to a place I want to avoid at all costs. I cover what they’ve got going on there at the moment and how things are working out.
Dark Entries.
Bauhaus [Jun. 22nd, 2016]
I spend some time wondering about how if I am struggling so much in my relationship with B how it’s possible I can have an issue with anyone? With what they say or with what they do, with the the way that they live. It sort of slides downhill from there into thoughts of aging and death. I start to wonder if doing the mushrooms is such a wonderful idea after all.
As Above, So Below.
As Above So Below [Jun. 24th, 2016]
I get lucid enough to realize it’s possible that someone might read all this stuff one day and some of it could come off pretty hurtful, I mean to the people that it involves. I touch on that briefly and then wonder off into some more abstract territory, sort of something along the lines of, or an elaboration on a theme covered in “Life After Death” (a previous entry).
Sweet Sixteen.
Promethea [Jul. 18th, 2016]
We are invited to ‘The Garden of Eden‘ for the sixteenth birthday of my niece (T1’s daughter). A bit of drama at the party give’s me a chance to rant a little about D@, and describe how him being the boyfriend of the younger of my two sisters sits with the rest of the family.
So Pretty. So Ugly.
Cody Seekins [Jul. 20th, 2016]
I reminisce about a time we spent living in Cape Town, explain how what was going down at the birthday party (‘Sweet Sixteen.‘) was a bit of a put-off to B and me, and point out how it was a bit of a fail as far as any ideas we might have had about hosting an event there (@ ‘The Garden…‘).
Jamaica Anansi Stories [Jul. 21st, 2016]
Part 3 of a 3 part installment of words inspired by a birthday party we went to (‘Sweet Sixteen.‘) at ‘The Garden…‘; what it was like being there while being a little under the influence, what the point of being under the influence at the party was, and how a chance meeting with a spider turned into the highlight of my life. I mean, the highlight of my night.
21 Jump Street.
Astronomy [Aug. 08th, 2016]
T@ and D@ break-up. I share some thoughts about what I think the family had to do with that. I cast my mind back to a moment in time when my sister had broken up with one of her first boyfriends and how that turned nasty.
Fairy Tale [Aug. 14th, 2016]
I spend some time feeling sorry for myself, complain at the weather, complain about life, complain about marriage, complain about complaining. Everything just seems to be a drag. I figure if I feel this way I might as well max it out and share, share, share. I end up putting it down to stopping with the coffee.
The Dead of Winter.
Sky Clouds [Aug. 15th, 2016]
More of the same from the previous entry (‘Coffee‘). My gaze shifts a little from the immediate surroundings to things a bit further afield. I wonder at the panacea on offer from the perspective of the psychedelic community. I wonder at my own ability to see clearly.
Last Supper.
Charlatan [Aug. 17th, 2016]
Exploring how the family conducted themselves when T@ dumped D@, the role we played involving him. And then I wonder a bit further down the path of skepticism involving the use of psychoactive substances for some kind of spiritual evolution.
Full Circle.
SECRET TEACHINGS [Aug. 18th, 2016]
Waxing lyrical ever more about the spiritually psychedelic thing, watching as the subject deteriorates, decomposes, disappears. Watching as my enthusiasm about it runs out of steam. On some level I’ve set fire to whatever ideas I had about it and for a minute I hallucinate that a Phoenix appears.