|Putting some effort into getting a fresh batch of ‘shrooms left me with one jar that took forever to fully colonize. It hadn’t even colonized completely when a few ‘shrooms started growing inside the jar. I left it to its own devices not wanting to risk contaminating what was left of the cake by birthing it prematurely. By the time the cake was ready to birth there were three or four large ‘shrooms in there all squished up from the confined space, only one of them had any semblance of a cap, the others were sort of like aborts. I didn’t think I could leave it any longer. And I didn’t want to dry them for fear of reducing their potency so yesterday morning I ate them for breakfast.|
|I got about half way through and had the impression there was too much to take in one go, so I left the one with the cap. It was a public holiday but we did still have work left to do, as far as routine went the plan was to get the work done and then to go to gym. I could get a bit into whether that was a good idea, or if it would have been a better idea to wait for the perfect moment. And I guess that’s where some of the issue is for me. Waiting for the perfect moment. After years of back and forth about this in my head my feeling is if that’s the approach then abandon any hope of making this a part of your life. There are just too few perfect moments.
My feeling is if you go down this road then be prepared to pursue it with every fiber of your being. Even the part that needs to work and go to gym. Another angle; I’m not someone who works and goes to gym that is trying to be spiritual, I’m a spiritual person who has to work and go to gym. Stuff like that. Maybe it will stick. Maybe it wont. Another angle involves me feeling like, at this point, this experience works best for me when I stick to one of my routines. I don’t have all that many of them. If it isn’t work and gym it might be taking the dog to the beach, or going for a hike, and those are probably better routines for the experience but on Thursday I still had work to do.
And actually, attempting this routine under the influence was something I hadn’t ever done, it was time to take it for a spin. While I work I usually listen to something on earphones, so after I took the ‘shrooms and got started with work I put Hunky Dory on, David Bowie. It didn’t take very long before I started to feel very strong physical effects. Nothing unpleasant, it just felt very good to be in my body, I felt confident navigating the keyboard and looking at the dual screens. I thought a bit about David Bowie not being around anymore, about what he was going through at about the time he made Hunky Dory, stuff in the lyrics that alluded to all of that, stuff that seemed perfect to hear at the start of a psychedelic trip.
I wondered if I could find him in this space. What space. It’s sort of a space beyond ‘here’. I didn’t think that would be a good idea. I didn’t think it made sense that he would be there in person. I got the idea that what I’d find here is the energy that was responsible for producing him, producing people like him. Sort of like the energy of a zodiac sign or something. There was a lot of stuff in this place, the energies that were responsible for creating the people I know, people in my family. The energy that was responsible for creating me.
Having access to that made me feel like I had access to some insights about why things might be like the way that they are for them, like the way that they are for me. The stuff about me went on and on for a bit, some of that involved what my role is, what my role is becoming, how my role makes sense, making sense of my role. Understand that a lot of detail isn’t there for me to recall right now. There might have been a thing going on about the role I play as the guy who goes under the influence, the guy that manages to navigate or at least access this space. Or why it is something I feel a strong urge to do, or why doing this is a good fit for me.
The good fit thing had something to do with my birthday, how it sits right in the middle of 2 signs of the zodiac, to the point that depending on what magazine you read it could be one star sign or the other. The way it got explained, if that’s the right way to put it, is because of that I can walk between world’s, in this case between 2 signs of the zodiac. I never thought of it like that before, it wasn’t something I was particularly curious about or interested to know. But that is what came up. There was something about what my responsibility was in being here now, stuff that involved sending out good vibes to people, to family that I know are going through a hard time. Sort of that and sort of something to do with being strong, being a pillar of strength. Or needing to be strong, needing to find the courage to do this work?
At the time I could see everything as clear as day and everything I saw made complete sense. So much so that I was grinning from ear to ear, it made such complete sense that I felt ecstatic, my eyes welling up with tears. I didn’t want to bother B with any of this. For the most part she was almost straight (only had had a small ‘shroom). I knew that if I had to get into trying to explain all this stuff to her I probably would have just come across as an incoherent babbling lunatic. The inner experience might illuminate things to the point of being as clear as day but being in that state is not always conducive to trying to explain it.