Literally Constipated.

There was so much ground to cover. And I didn’t cover it. So it’s all sort of lost now. Lost in the void of the last 6 months. Why? Is there a reason? It sort of got busy, at work. This and that. I’m not sure I have much juice anymore, no juice for writing. Coffee seemed to help with that. There might have been a time alcohol seemed to help with it too. Now coffee and alcohol are things of the past. I’m unable to rely on them anymore. I haven’t found anything to fill in for them so. Nothing in me pushing the words out. Literally Constipated. It’s a pity really. The story did continue to unfold, despite there not being anyone around to keep track of that. Well. I mean the story outside of us has continued to unfold.

That might be part of the reason the river dried up, why the words ceased to pour out of my fountain pen. We found that place, that eye of the cyclone. Nothing happened on the inside of it, all we could do was catch our breath. It’s what we wanted, for everything to just stop at least, to please stop moving even if just for a little bit. And when that did eventually happen, not wanting the spell to break. So. Hold still, keep quiet, behold that rare creature for heavens sake – please try to not disturb it. And then you blink, and it’s 6 months later.

Our story has been much of the same, breathe in, breathe out. Not much turbulence. God knows we can do without. We row the boat, we dare not capsize it. And so we’ve made some pretty good progress. All calm on the Western Front. Nothing out here of interest to report. Unfortunately the same cannot be said of my friends and family. Starting with Mum and G@. I’m not sure if I have supplied much history. The situation as it stands is he left this morning to start a 2 month contract in another part of the country. So we won’t see him for a while.

It’s been about 6 months since he returned from his last bout of contracting. Six months spent at home. Technically at 50 something he retired about 3 years ago and has sort of been up and down for months at a time. This last stretch at home has probably been the longest stretch he has sat at home for and it took its toll on my parents. They don’t seem to realize that they cannot continue to live like they used to live before. They seem to be stuck in this sort of twilight zone of whatever there was before and whatever the hell it should be at some point after.

On top of him leaving his job they moved from a small town in the middle of nowhere to somewhere very far away and completely unfamiliar. Everything is different for them here and nothing is anything close to what ever it was like before. And I think they sort of expect it to be. They expect some kind of degree of sameness, of familiarity. They are waiting for life to carry on like it did before. They are waiting for things to return to normal. But it probably never will.

But 2 people trying to get to grips with a new and challenging and difficult situation is not the face that is being put on what they are going through. Instead attention has been directed at each other and an onslaught of personal attacks about this or that fault climaxing with a complete deterioration of relations. One day mum paid us a visit in the garden cottage and emotionally announced that as far as she is concerned the two of them are no longer a couple. She has plenty of ammunition to work with as to why it is him that is responsible for things not working out.

The routine while at home pretty much just involves him sitting around all day not knowing what to do with himself and watching a lot of television. Sports usually. Sometimes politics. I’m not sure it is the best routine to have. He doesn’t seem to be interested in going anywhere or doing anything, and apparently sitting around all day not knowing what to do with himself and watching a lot of television is what he wants to do – it is what makes him happy.

That might actually really be the case but doing that with Mom around is making her CRANKY. I’m not sure she is used to having him hanging around doing nothing. I think she might be more used to being by herself. More recently G@ had a chance to tell us his side of the story. As a retired couple there is the need to start trying to live within their means. But he can’t seem to have a constructive conversation about doing that with Mum. They pay a small fortune for medical insurance and could save money by decreasing their cover, they could spend less on home security, the telephone line and satellite television. They could switch the geyser off and spend less money on electricity but none of that seems to be an option.

The most sensitive issue involves the amount of money Mum spends on cigarettes, she smokes about 2 packs of the poison a day. The monthly expense is substantial. As far as Mum is concerned this is a red flag subject and completely not negotiable. How things stand at the moment is Mum hopes G@ manages to keep finding work wherever he is now. Even if it is something permanent, and for him to not return. It leaves her stuck in a house all by herself so what seems to make the most sense is for her to go live with my sisters.

They can rent the house out at that point and at least get an income out of it. B@ and I would like to carry on living in the cottage and take out a little bond to get some work done on it, do some renovations to make it a bit more homely. There is only one snag with Mum leaving to live with my sisters and that involves how the story on their side has unfolded recently. I guess the next words explore that idea a little bit.


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