|So what was this one about? I think it started with me feeling bad about something. Maybe the D@ thing (see “21 Jump Street“). We’ve invited him and T@ to supper before he leaves, sort of a farewell thing. From our side an attempt at just trying to show a little grace in this whole thing. I guess it doesn’t really have to do with him, who he is, how people feel. But mom doesn’t think it’s a good idea; there’s resistance coming from her about the idea. It’s been a while since someones said what I am or am not allowed to do. I’d have thought if it happened it would be about a couple of other things, but this? I said I’d leave it up to T@ to decide.|
|When T@ expressed uncertainty about it I suggested she didn’t have to be a part of it. But I just don’t get it about this guy and the family. The amount of fuss getting generated involving him is just plain disturbing. T1 and mom are all over him like a pack of wolves acting like all of this has everything to do with him. It’s like they are obsessed with him. It really doesn’t seem warranted or fair to me. It doesn’t seem honest. There’s nothing coming from them about how it’s only because of T1 that he is around at all in the first place (see ‘Sweet Sixteen‘). Or nothing coming from them about him still being around because of T@. In the meantime rumors are in circulation of her starting to regret having brought him down here with her in the first place.
Now there’s a thing.
Why did she bring him down with her? She’d quit her job, he didn’t have one, there was no guarantee either of them would find anything down here, knew they’d both be sponging off the folks until they could sort themselves out. At that point he’d only been around for a year and had only proved one thing; he couldn’t hold down a job; that he was unemployed with sh!t prospects. In that situation it doesn’t seem unreasonable to have said to him you know what; this isn’t a good situation; it’s a bit much to ask my retired parents to look after them. So to have asked him to hang back for a while with his own family while you got yourself sorted out instead. Maybe pick up where we left off again a while after that, if things started to work out well later.
But I think I know why T@ didn’t go down that road. My guess is it’s because mom was all sorts of reassuring about it. Reassuring T@ that of course they could come down here together if that’s what they wanted. That it wouldn’t be a problem. At that point I doubt mom was thinking straight herself. She was in the process of getting set up down here herself. At that point G@, my step-father, didn’t appear to be very interested in doing that, he still doesn’t seem very interested ~ he’s still going up there for months at a time working on contract. Point being mom also has to shoulder some of the blame for D@ being down here. So at what point do we start to accept responsibility? At what point do we stop treating him like a leper, like someone that imposed himself on us? And this by a bunch of people that really ought to know much better. So yeah, screw it. We will take him out to supper.
A Last Supper.
There was some other stuff going on too. Some thinking about this thing that I’m trying slash not trying to be a part of. This psychedelic drugs thing. This entheogenic thing. This altered states of consciousness thing. Depending on what’s going on I get exposed to it sometimes more, sometimes less. Recently the exposure has been a bit on the more side than on the less side. I can’t help but feel an increasing amount of anxiety about it. Around it. More and more it seems the famous ‘weekend retreat’ is being put up on offer which include guided sessions to groups of people who go under the influence. It’s not that I have signed up for any so am not in a position to comment really, but part of not signing up involves the cost ~ I can’t afford to sign up for anything.
I can’t afford that cup of coffee.
And I’m thinking it’s a lot of money to ask for to do what they are doing. And I’m thinking; are they really doing anything that special for anyone that attends one of these things, for the people that can afford to attend? Just how bent out of shape can these people be? How much ‘healing’ can someone need that has that kind of cash to throw around? I’d have imagined it was probably a different crowd that are in need of such strong medicine. A crowd that didn’t have access to that kind of cash, and a crowd that quite frankly doesn’t have an inclination to take any strong medicine. The impression I get is the people that sign up for this sort of stuff don’t really need the experience, it’s just a nice to have really.
The other impression I get is the guys steering the ship are having a limited impact on reality from a perspective of making any much needed difference. The situation seems to be the psychedelic experience thing is not opening doors of perception, it’s opening doors for people in commerce. There are opportunities being made available that are much needed from a financial survival perspective in a world where financial survival is getting increasingly elusive. I guess ultimately there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t really mind except when it comes to me and what I want to achieve. Heck I’m also scrambling around trying to figure out how to make sh!t work, it ain’t easy. If you can do it then well, you deserve a pat on the back. But if I sign up for something and spend a lot of cash for it am I going to get what I’m looking for?
Or am I just going to help pay someone’s else’s bills?