|Looked like a bit of a mess. Could have been the moment that defined many things, a revelation of an underlying theme. An Omen? An Insight? So we were over at T1 & R1’s place this weekend, Saturday evening, for a get together for their daughter; A1’s sixteenth birthday. She’s a sweet kid. She’d asked for a luminous theme, a glow in the dark thing. Part of that was having these glow sticks all over the place. So at some point people were breaking them open, pouring the luminous liquid that was on the inside of them out onto a cold dark floor. It was getting lit up with all sorts of splashes of red, blue and green. And throwing them into a fire they had going on, the remains of what had been a bonfire from a bit earlier. It looked fantastic. I guess. But. It also felt a little destructive. And a little disrespectful – like the unnecessary spilling of blood. Or something.|
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|This deed being performed, this exposing of the inside of the glow sticks to the rough brick floor that makes up the an outside seating area for the tea-garden slash restaurant my sister has going on there was being performed by D@. So what could have been a seen as a bit of harmless innocent playful creative self-expression by one person could just as easily be seen by someone else as him acting a damn fool and making a mess of a place that someone’s livelihood depended on. The drama seemed easy enough to predict so after a token amount of ooh and ahh at the mess he was making I headed off to the toilet as a means of escape. On my way there I passed by my older sister and of course heard her grumbling about what the floor was looking like and asking who was responsible for this?
I pretended to not hear her and kept walking.
I should probably explain that the drama was easy enough to predict because it involved D@. I’m not sure I’ve covered this ground all that much. In a nutshell D@ is a great source of conflict – nobody in the family actually likes him. T1 herself seems to be on the warpath about this guy and any conversation with her usually ends up being dominated by whatever the latest in a long string of issues that she has with him is. In fact it seems most conversation among family members outside of T@’s earshot involves a great deal of D@ bashing. The rest of it involves asking what the hell my younger sister is thinking by still keeping him around.
But actually there isn’t a hell of a lot of that question being asked. It’s more like what a mess he seems to be making of her, how he is aging her, how he is making things harder for her. How it is he is such a useless piece of shit that she needs to keep getting his back, covering up his tracks, defending his actions, making excuses why he just can’t seem to get it together. At this point she is starting to struggle with a bum back and everyone is asking how it is he is at home so much, how he gets to leave work so early everyday now that he’s just started working a new job. While she is busy holding down two jobs and works seven days a week.
There’s a sneaking suspicion that it involves him not actually having a job anymore, because he lost the previous job that he did have somehow. It would make sense that he lost it too. Or that he quit. And it would make sense that they wouldn’t tell any of us this. Him not having a job would give T1 a good enough reason to tell him to get lost, to hit the street. It would be burdensome enough to be the proverbial straw that breaks the supine spine of the famous ship of the desert. I wish I had enough paper to get into all the detail of this. There is just so much of it.
I guess the job thing serves as some kind of symbol, it represents a lot of different things, acts as a convenient kind of indication; if he gets on top of it, makes it work, is able to make a success of it then he’s worth something. He proves he can achieve something. He proves himself. In that case there’s a possibility the rest of us got it badly wrong about him. But on the other hand if he messes it up… Well then. Then the rest of us got it right that he’s just a piece of shit and should just pack his stuff and disappear.
I can’t imagine the stress this must be creating for T@. I can’t imagine what it must be like being a twenty-something that didn’t finish school, can’t get a drivers license because they keep on failing the test and can’t get a decent job. I can’t imagine what it must be like getting involved with someone old enough to be my mother and trying to deliver on the expectations of her family. In a lot of ways it seems T@ must know this guy is not for her and she’s backing the wrong horse here. My guess is she never wanted him around to look after her financially, never expected him or needed him to amount to much but he must have fit the bill very well in some kind of way.
Is it possible the bill he fit involved just providing companionship? Company? I don’t know if the rest of us can understand that. I don’t know if the rest of us can accept that. I don’t know if the rest of us are even prepared to consider that as a possibility. In the meantime as fortune would have it he is the (half-brother?) of a woman T1 actually had a thing with for a while, while she was going through her ‘lesbian’ phase. That obviously didn’t end very well. It’s probably the only reason T@ and D@ ever met in the first place. I imagine having him around must cause T1 quite a bit of anxiety.
Guilt even. Probably.
He’s a relic from a time in her life that I think she would rather pretend didn’t exist. A time that never happened. For her getting rid of him might be what she feels she needs to do to get that time completely behind her. Or maybe she’s worried that as long as he is around there’s a chance his (half-sister?) will pitch up on her doorstep. Will the sister share their dirty little secret with T1’s new husband? How will the husband react? And by the way how does all that feature in all of this ~ how come as far as D@ is concerned there is no family?
No His Story.