So there was that. But was there anything else? I think the water has got a bit murky now I mean, what were we talking about? Where does all that fit in? Nowhere? It has got nothing to do with nothing? It has to do with something else that came before, an elaboration on a theme. It speaks to this whole state of the world thing, the deterioration of it, the death of nature, if it is the death of nature. Is it the death of nature? The idea somewhere along the line involved feeling uncomfortable. Feeling like everything is in a mess and in desperate need of a makeover.
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|Something to do with things needing to change, people needing to get involved. People needing to pick a side and either to be a part of the problem, or to be a part of the solution. And of course me getting all complicated about it. Wondering whether it really does look the way it does. And look the way it does for the reason we think it looks the way it does. And wondering whether there are any other possibilities? Is it possible this deterioration is just a part of the program? Inevitable?
It has happened countless times before already in a variety of creative ways, to a variety of different forms of life. It’s terrible to see. To see what we are doing to everything around us. But in the end there is no difference, we are actually doing it to ourselves, and personally; I can’t imagine a better candidate. I can’t think of anything more deserving. If what is happening, if what it looks like is happening, is actually happening.
But now that’s getting confusing again. The point had more to do with pointing out that however it looks, it could be a bit different to what we think it is. It looks like we are ruining it. It looks like what is happening has to do with us. What if it’s not? What if what we are doing is just one means of a preconceived agenda being expressed? That the outcome has to happen one way or another.
If it wasn’t us that was creating so much death and destruction it could have been one, or a combination of a variety of other things. We put our face on it, and that is fine. It is us that are responsible, but what are we responsible for, and if we weren’t responsible for it would it not have become the responsibility of something else? There does seem to be an agenda, a program, a pattern, and it seems possible to me all we are doing is in accordance with that pattern.
That if it wasn’t us it would have been something else making all this happen. But it would still happen. Am I going to carry on with that? Continue with that train of thought. Can I even remember where I was going with it? Seems like I was going absolutely nowhere. I forgot. I forget. I got it for. I get it for. Well. Two things happened next.
One had to do with the fact that this elaboration on a previously mentioned theme had more to do with that theme than what I was trying to cover in this conversation. In this conversation the world was in a bad place. There wasn’t any trying to think of a way to feel better about it. No, oh well, it’s all falling to shit because reality was just sticking to the plan kind of thing going on, no trying to find comfort, no comfort to be found.
Just a stark naked disturbing realization – we fucked it up. It is a big deal. And thinking; there is a side of the fence I, we, would choose to be on, a side of the fence that everybody should be trying to be on, the side where you commit to trying to make a difference.
And not feeling very happy about that either.
That a commitment like that was not enough. That there are not that many things that you can do that will help. Because the problem is that large. It’s really, really big. It’s Humongous. But. If there was something that you could do, something I feel could make a bit more of a difference than most things , it would be to buy a piece of land and take care of the life there, be its protector and be its guardian. Look after it.
Look after the plants and the trees, look after the animals and insects. And on the surface of it that’s what my one sister and her husband did. Well, at least they did the first part, the buy a piece of land part. It really is a beautiful piece of land, and it came along with a lot of life. It was pretty near dams close to perfect. Just like in the Garden of Eden.
And for a while it held the promise of great things to come, and maybe great things will still come. It is still early days after all. But I must admit, knowing my sister, I did have, I do have, a nagging sense of doubt. So there is this thing going on, about how people can be on completely different pages when it comes to something. The same thing. Which is fine I guess. But it can make things a little tricky.
How it has become tricky in this case involves trying to figure out how to have a conversation about it. And because they are family, trying to figure out how to fit in with them about it. At this point I have a problem. The subject makes me angry, it’s not something I feel happy talking about. And I also think it’s making me want to avoid going there, or seeing them.