It started at various points. Some of it had to do with our fight. I guess maybe coming up with some kind of pathetic excuse involving me not being to blame for behaving in such an atrocious way. So a better start to this might be I still feel terrible about my behavior and mostly like I’m walking around in underwear that I took a shit in. It’s out of sight but painfully real, painfully still there. Parallel to that I have thoughts floating around that involve trying to put myself outside of it all and try tap more into the story of it or something, to not identify personally with it too much, that would be more or less where the teacher plant thoughts thing ended up before all this drama happened involving B and me.
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At that point it seemed to be an idea that exclusively involved teacher plants. More recently I realized it was the same space I was aiming for when it came to reconciling how I felt about meat while being a vegetarian, and how I felt about it looking like the planet was being flushed down the toilet. And now how it feels like the space I’m trying to aim for to help make some sense of the fight I just had with B. I brought up an impression I got during that moment of the Tarot card The Devil, and now there’s that expression involving the Devil being in the detail. So here’s a bunch of words involving how because it is the Devil that is in the detail, the detail might best be avoided. And here’s a bunch of words that explain if it’s not the detail that attention gets paid to what else it is that is better, more worth it, to pay attention to.
Myth? Symbols? Something. But for now getting back to what it was that I was thinking. You are what you eat. Another point it might have started at. Going back to the beginning of that damn stupid fight; we went to that place we didn’t want to go to, the one that’s just out of town and my sister works sometimes at (might need to come up with a name for that place if it needs to be kept getting mentioned). We were sitting there and everyone was all over the place conversation wise, some of it obviously involving the excitement of recent developments, but some of it also involving something else. It got so I had to even make a scene involving feeling overwhelmed and asking if I was the only person in the world who when fifteen people speak, hears fifteen people speak. I wanted to force everyone to use a talking stick, except it wasn’t a stick it was a straw that had come with a coke. A coke that my mother ordered. A coke.
I got to wondering about how much of that experience involved speaking to the people that were involved and how much of that experience involved speaking to the products that they were under the influence of. Was I speaking to them if what they were was something that they had (eaten)? Was I speaking to mom or was I speaking to sugar and nicotine? Was I speaking to G***** or was I speaking to sugar and alcohol? Was I speaking to T**** or was I speaking to caffeine and nicotine? I wondered if it had been a table of people who did not have these things in their bodies whether it would have been just as overwhelming an experience (for someone that didn’t have these things in their body). It made me wonder just how much of a person you are dealing with is a person and how much of a person you are dealing with is actually this or that product.
And then I got to thinking about the teacher plants and the shaman (Note; I use the word shaman / shamanism quite loosely, there are better more accurate words to use but I’m going to stick to those words for now just to keep things simple.). I was saying a bit back how excited I was about an idea B came up with involving massage therapy, and how that idea seemed a more appropriate model in our environment to work with people in a healing context than what model is associated with shamanism which is normally used in a very different type of environment. I struggled with that for a bit. And I struggled with the idea of using teacher plants when I realized there was no real reason for me to use them, I mean on the surface of it I have everything I want, I have everything I need, life is good, everything is perfect. So perfect it seems a little unusual. Almost like being in a pretty picture. And it doesn’t feel like it’s gotten that way from putting very much effort into it, at least not recently anyway.
And I wonder about that.
About whether it’s gotten that way for some other reason, not from me putting any effort into getting it like that. Whether the effort came from somewhere else and if so where else can the effort have come from? What else could be driving this? But getting back to the shaman thing and the teacher plant thing. And how recently J**** wrote about an experience he had holding a ceremony. How he had been singing icaros that he had been taught but had gotten into a space where the icaros were pretty much singing themselves (while he was under the influence). Words that he was unfamiliar with, that were in a foreign language came out of him. And how I remember now, how the shaman thing makes sense, how the teacher plants thing makes sense. The shaman isn’t a person, he’s a vessel, and the teacher plants speak through him, lets the teacher plant act through him.
In essence he just becomes what he eats.
Part of the groundwork of becoming a shaman even involves something called a dieta. When he pretty much fasts for a period of time and then during some of that time eats or drinks a tea made from a specific plant associated with a specific characteristic, a particular property, a particular energy. A particular spirit. The idea being that he gets introduced to the spirit of that plant, and is influenced in some permanent or ongoing way from entering into a relationship with it. So there’s a bunch of words now involving comfort levels of consciously allowing yourself to be a vessel for the spirit or energy of a plant, in essence allowing yourself to be possessed, or something similar sounding.
And that makes me think of how it happens all the time anyway, that just because it’s by the spirit or the energy of what constitutes our daily eating habits and these products being common place doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Is doing it consciously to achieve something other than getting sick like what happens to us eating the stuff we eat and drink everyday all that much different? Is it all that much different really? And a bunch of words now that involve the intentions of a teacher plant or whatever it is that comes through whilst under the influence, some thoughts about some of the words that get thrown around when the subject of psychedelics comes up. Words like trance and ego death, and the idea of there being a dialogue that occurs while under the influence.
In fact it’s some thoughts around that subject I’m sure I’ve seen written by Terence McKenna that I was scratching around for that is another point that started all this off. I was looking around for advice on how to process what comes up, what comes out of such a dialogue, something that advised you to process it with a pinch of salt. But now I wonder if you actually get into this stuff from a perspective of acting as a vessel then wouldn’t any reaction on your part be interference? Indicate a reluctance to let go completely, insist on retaining an ego? All I know is if using teacher plants is about being able to do this, if this is what shamanism is then it’s very interesting, it’s something I could get into, it wouldn’t have worked out for me very well if it was all about tradition, culture, heritage, mimicry.
And now I wonder if part of this involves acknowledging the plants you work with having an intelligence, having an intention, how much of my situation, my path, my direction, my destiny, have to do with me? How much more of it might have to do with it? And of course I don’t mean just me by that. I mean anyone that is being called to do this work. And here a bunch of words that involve an apparent underlying intelligence, something driving this thing, some sort of force that is bringing this stuff to the fore, something responsible for the resurgence of it, the popularization of it. The spread of it. And here a bunch of words about the nature of consciousness, and whether it’s possible for plants to have that, whether it’s possible for the planet to have that.
And whether the plants, whether the planet is mobilizing because of a threat, a threat that we pose to it. And how it is mobilizing involves reaching out to receptive vessels, people of a particular inclination, people that it knows it can use, or people that sympathize with it’s predicament (see Frontiers of Psychedelic Consciousness by David Jay Brown). Reaching out to them and forging ties, building relationships, networking, making itself known, communicating with an ever increasing number of people, doing it to the point that the numbers become significant, and their influence start to get felt, have a noticeable effect. What does that look like, is that what happens? Is that the direction one inevitably goes in when they get involved with this stuff? Are these things one needs to be weary of? Is there a point at which if you do things get uncomfortable? Can you be misled? Could you become delusional?
And here a bunch of words about that, and how the discomfort and delusion are a very real possibility, but only because we live in a world that has certain expectations, and one of them is that you don’t go down a road like this, a rabbit hole like this, you don’t go around telling people you hear the voice of a plant, you hear the voice of the planet, and that what it is saying is we got it all wrong, and that everything about everything that we do, that involves us is all wrong. That our life involves all life, that we’ve become conveniently deaf to what the rest of life has to say, that to save it all, to save ourselves we need to learn to listen, and enter into a dialogue with everything. Of course that person who carries that torch is delusional. So this seems to be the question, or the answer – are you comfortable with this possibility, are you comfortable with losing yourself, are you comfortable enough to trust this?
A big part of where the above comes from involves doing my favorite thing – being out and about and talking with B over a bite to eat. Another conversation I had with her which was sort of about the same stuff gets covered in In Tension, an entry I made over a year ago and gets linked here. Also sort of in line with some of the above what follows are some words that Terence McKenna included in his Foreword to “Psilocybin Magic Mushroom Grower’s Guide”; (mostly copied from deoxy.org);
For more please see;