Daydream #2.

I get such a bad taste in my mouth after putting stuff like that down on paper. I’m not sure anything ever put down on paper about drugs can ever sound like it makes sense. And putting something down now doesn’t seem like a good idea anyway, it might make more sense once I’m in the thick of it. Something I did want to put down that I feel quite excited about. A couple of pages back I wrote about a daydream / fantasy. I guess that was something that came out of the afterglow of being out Hermanus way on holiday. It’s also a question of having something to work towards, something to look forward to, a future to look forward to, I mean, a future that doesn’t involve having to work in an office. A future we hopefully won’t have to.

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Of course a big part of that would involve being able to earn some money, earn some money another way, if necessary. There are thoughts floating around about how much of a pattern that is with us. About how I’ve spent so much time fantasizing about so many different ways we could do that, some involving dealing in ‘shrooms maybe, some not involving dealing in ‘shrooms, too many thoughts to spare really. So B got inspired by one of her friends in Cape Town, well, I think that that is how it goes, it’s one of the ways this story goes. The other way it goes is us having talked about going for a massage at some point in the future, how much we would like to do that, how much it feels like our bodies need that.

But B put an idea out recently that put a different spin on it, saying she thinks she’d like to do it herself, go on a course that teaches it, then to do it to other people. I had one of those moments that everything just clicks together. It felt very beautiful. Of course she should learn to do massage. Of course WE should learn to do massage. At this point even if we only learn from watching youtube and massaging each other that would be excellent enough. It doesn’t have to go any steps further but, it could. And how it could gives me goosebumps. It just suddenly makes so many things make sense. It’s just such an awesome piece of the jigsaw puzzle that makes a half seen picture completely visible. And what freaks me out are the points, the dots, that you can see looking backwards that were all random before, now suddenly all being connected.

It’s one of those things that just feels so right and so obvious that when it makes an appearance, the impact is like a slap in the face and you have to ask yourself what took you so damn long? The massage thing, or massage therapy, or body work even is such a good fit with everything else. So many times when it comes to the subject of where it all starts, on so many different levels it always comes back to the physical body. I mean when it comes to B and I, and trying to figure out what’s important, the thing that informs what we should be doing, the thing that informs what we shouldn’t be doing, the thing that informs where we should go with whatever else, in whatever direction, it always comes right back down to it – the body.

There’s another thing going on that I really like about the idea. Of course I have my own romantic ideas involving where I could get with this psychedelic ceremony thing. Or at least get curious about where I could fit in with it, where it could fit in with me. It’s a sort of rubics cube that has all these pieces present but isn’t quite put together right just yet. There’s always been this thing going on about how I could make it work for me, how I could work for it. The shaman thing at this point seems a little too foreign to me, a little too exotic, a little too elusive, and something I feel a little weary of. It seems a little tricky for me to buy into it, subscribe to, I don’t know exactly how to put it but it does seem to me there’s a disconnect between that role and the environment we live in. Maybe once things get going I could get to grips with this.

Point being, if I think about the massage idea fireworks go off in my head. It seems like such a better fit, it seems like such a better fit for the environment we live in, it’s something that I think could be used to achieve what a shaman tries to achieve except in a more appropriate context, a more digestible context. It’s something that I think could work out for us a bit further down the line. To attend these ceremonies for a while and then at some point to offer a massage to the other people that go there, sort of as part of a post ceremony workout, maybe the day after or something. It could be a way to get our names out there, maybe get a client or two out of it.

Maybe even flesh it out a bit after that, get it to the point where we massage someone while they are under the influence. I can only imagine an experience like that would be very therapeutic. I know it’s something I’d love to give a go myself, have done to me. I always wondered if I could find someone willing to give me a session like that whilst being under the influence. Parallel to that there is also a resurgence in our interest to hike with a hiking club. It seems like another opportunity to network and build relationships to the point we could offer a massage after a hike, and get a client or two that way as well.

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