In the dream this time we were at a house, I think it might have belonged to T*** (another sister)(and R******? (her husband)) It was really close to the beach, the sea. There was some drama about being in a car with D**** (sisters boyfriend). He’d driven it too close to a cliff and it seemed it might topple over into the sea. He said I was being dramatic and I asked if he wanted dramatic? And then I walked off. He seemed to be managing to push the car back on to the road. There was a part involving him being on the phone, I was quite shocked it was so modern. Something futuristic. There was something going on about him having a phone like that, something all deceptive and wrong.
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|I was with my mother walking along that road between Tina’s house and the sea, there was a lot of sea life in it, it was positively brimming with sea life, so much so that some of it was wanting to come ashore. I warned my mother that some Orcas (killer whales) were in there, that they’d jump out and grab her if she wasn’t careful. Some dolphins had come ashore and we tried to help them get back into the water. I think there were seals in the water as well. And so many whales, huge creatures. My mother was very happy.
Today we head back towards Mossel Bay and then make our way back home tomorrow.
Coming back from Hermanus G***** drove the car and it was an unpleasant experience. He drove a little too fast on roads that didn’t need to be driven too fast on, shouldn’t be driven too fast on. Also he had the heater put up quite high so the inside of the car got got really warm. It gave me a bit of insight as to what space he is in when it comes to do these kinds of things, it’s all about being economical, economical use of time, economical use of petrol, economical use of money etc.
While I drive he gets on my case a little, I drive a little different to him; no hurry, let other cars pass, enjoy the scenery, no stressing if I take a different road etc. The difference between us gets a little in the way of having a pleasant experience, makes me wonder about doing something like this again, whether it would be worth it, whether we shouldn’t do this again a bit different (take own car / do it alone). I guess on the one hand there’s the unpleasantness but on the other hand someone does need to be paying attention to the economical side of things. This all came up with my mother last night at the hot spring. She pointed out he has a big heart, is very giving and it is true. He’s been there for our family through thick and thin, it wouldn’t be right to complain just because how he is doesn’t always suit you.
I didn’t take the opportunity to get into it, but my thing involves the significance of having an experience like this, not necessarily just from a completely material perspective, from another perspective. Not that I feel determined to put my own face on it – it seems to become more significant the less you drive these kinds of things, the more dots that get connected that at first all seem random, unconnected. One possibility in the back of my mind involves my mother. And doing something special with her before our time with her runs out. And it will. At some point she’s not going to be around or even if she is she’s not always going to be able to do stuff like this. I’m in a space where it feels to me like her time is short and to try do stuff it feels like she wants to do.
What is everyone going to say if this is the beginning of the end for her. If she’s gone a year from now what’s everyone going to say then? If only? If only we had done this or that like she wanted to while she still could? Wouldn’t that just sound so pathetically inadequate? It would seem so to me. And would the anger and regret provide a second chance? No, it wouldn’t. So where is all this in my mother’s mind, where is all this in G*****s mind? As economical and giving as he is will he be comfortable accepting responsibility? Would he be able to comfort himself with logic and reason for ending mom’s life long before it’s actually over?
We’ve never done Route 62 which is a bit of a tourist attraction out here (Western Cape / South Africa). We’ve never been to Montagu. B had seen a picture of the Avondale Hot Springs in a book about sacred places we bought at a place called Celtis Lodge years ago when we were still living in Johannesburg. Celtis Lodge is out Magaliesburg way which we used to like driving out to on weekends to get away from the hustle and bustle. We never thought we’d ever find ourselves in such a beautiful picture at some point in the future.
From my side it was a bit of a co-incidence really. I didn’t actively try to seek it out as a place to end up at, didn’t even remember having a picture of it in one of our books. Anyway, the place is surrounded by very interesting looking mountains, hills. It’s quite a fertile place they grow a lot of fruit and nuts out there. There are small shops all over the place called Montagu that stock dried fruit and nuts sourced from this area. The area attracts a lot of bird-life. The resort we stayed at has these self-catering chalets in lush green surroundings, lots of trees etc. There’s a river here too and of course the swimming pools fed by a hot spring.
After we got back from Hermanus yesterday B and I wanted to go take a dip at least seeing as it was our last night here. Mom tagged along to have a look at the scenery. The pools were open after dark so we were there at about 8pm. After our dip we sat and had a drink with mom and got to talking for a while. At some point sitting there I said my god I’ve dreamt of this moment before, a very long time ago. I was feeling overwhelmed by déjà-vu at the memory of it.
When B’s father died we spent some time at an Aventura resort outside Tsipise, close to the border with Zimbabwe. It also had a pool fed by a hot spring out there. That place always reminds me of B’s father. It just kind of had this very special kind of place feeling to it. A lot of animals hanging around, huge baobab trees… The kind of place you might expect to meet your ancestors at. Well, this place in Montagu has the same kind of vibe. I would love for it to be the place that reminds me of mom once she is gone. On the way in and out of it are many scenic landscape moments involving the mountains and the streams of water that pour of them.
B tells me she would like her ashes scattered there.