The whales are coming, we are going on holiday. At some point previously there had been this idea, of there being a parallel between (a shamanic journey? pathworking? astral projection?), some sort of esoteric experience and the physical experience of travelling, going away (among other kinds of physical experience*). So there I was getting all sorts of fancy about it, thinking I should prepare for it, set it up so that this thing was also sort of an attempt at that thing. There was some stuff that was going on before, some stuff that will probably go on during, and some stuff that will go on after. Then the before stuff started getting messy… Somehow I struggled to get my head around it.
Something to do with Dreams and Drugs.
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|So a big part of this thing involved an idea to involve the teacher plants; to start involving the teacher plants again. With them it’s also been such a long time, and maybe there was something going on about keeping an eye open for sign, or keeping an eye open for a time when these things might be taken for another spin. For a while, maybe even for forever, there was a feeling that maybe it would be better to just, forget about it, forget about them, discard that idea like so many other ideas that still need to be discarded. It might be worth considering that that might need to be what happens. It definitely would make things a whole lot easier. This was also something that came to the surface yesterday. All that talk, all those conversations, daydreams, fantasies, hopes for the future, things that we had done in a previous life that we would love to try doing again, this time bigger, this time better. All of it just a big fat nothing. Just a potentiality. Nothing more. Nothing Less. But something that makes me feel like trashing all our stuff, trashing all ideas. Start all over again. Start all over again right from the beginning.
That might have been a couple of weeks ago, a little more maybe. When the seed of an idea started to germinate, not so much an idea as, a memory maybe. I think it started with Carte Blanche doing a story about a lady in Cape Town that facilitated experiences under the influence of psilocybin. No, maybe even a bit before that, there was a guy up in the Free State who offered permaculture workshops, same guy hosted weekend retreats with S**** T**** (who first introduced me to Salvia Divinorum ~ an extract (how much of this ground have I already covered?)). Anyway, turns out N**** has relocated recently, he’s brought himself and his work to the Garden Route, to a couple of hours away from here which was a bit of a revelation to me.
Then it got even more interesting.
It turns out a guy from Johannesburg (J****) went down to Cape Town and worked his way from there up to here conducting Ayahuasca ceremonies. I got a hold of him to attend the next one where I live during October, but it turns out to attend such a thing costs a lot of money. I don’t know if we will ever be able to afford doing any work with him. Somewhere along the line all that old stuff got stirred up again. Suddenly it wasn’t a question of not knowing whether teacher plants would ever feature in our lives again. It went from there to wondering about if they did when would that be, and from there it turned into well, wouldn’t now be a good time to cover that ground again? To start covering that ground again?
So from about a month ago the idea was to maybe give the Syrian Rue a go, kind of make it a weekly thing. Nothing too serious at first, just enough to get a taste barely, but, maybe by now get to a point I’d be under enough to feel anything extra if it got added. And so, well, that would have been tonight. But I never got started with it. The most I managed to squeeze in was a small joint of Salvia plain leaf, with a little something else added in but not sure what exactly… But I should know. Because the dreams I had after that were very lucid, and very unusual. Of course as much as dreamwork is meant to be part of what gets brought back to life there’s been no actual attempt so far to do that. Yet.
But I remember a dream from that first night though; I was, we were, in a house, in a room, when something happened and I woke up. At first I was disoriented, and feeling like where I was, was still there, I was wherever I was there, here. I think I asked B if she was awake, and told her I’d had quite an interesting dream. She said it had sounded like it and I remember, there had been the heavy breathing. In the dream the room was in a large house, I’d been a little stressed because it was in the middle of nowhere, the dream involved a sort of feeling out of the area, there was a kind of maze effect thing going on, travelling through a passage going from the room to the rest of the house, then from the house to the outside of it.
Outside it was dark and leaving the property on a tree lined driveway. The maze effect resurfaced with the house being surrounded by other houses with their own tree lined driveways. I think what was getting me worked up was the feeling that someone, or something was approaching, that I had left the room, left the house, left the property, in an attempt to find whatever it was that I thought was coming. When I was telling B about all this I explained there was something different about this one, it wasn’t very run of the mill. After a while I remembered the Salvia, and then it seemed to make a lot more sense.
In that dream my body had been that room, it had been that house, and the tree lined driveway too. I had been the maze of the neighborhood. I hadn’t been a disembodied version of myself exploring an environment, I had been an environment becoming aware of itself… If that sounds a bit much then I’ve probably hit the spot.