In Tention.

We’d picked up some warm drinks from Mc’Donalds and made our way to an area somewhere close to where we’d be living in the not too distant future. I pulled the car up on to the pavement facing an empty field, and off in the distance we could watch as they continued to work on building a new shopping center. We were doing this more and more recently, as excitement grew in anticipation of our move here – to a new home. It’s still two months before we move in but mom moves here in a months time so we will have access to the place quite soon.

Index @ Livejournal. Index @ WordPress.
Waking Life.
@ wiki; “Waking Life is a 2001 American adult animated docufiction/drama film, directed by Richard Linklater. Distributed by Fox Searchlight Pictures, it is the first (and currently only) animated film released by Fox Searchlight Pictures. The film explores a wide range of philosophical issues including the nature of reality, dreams, consciousness, the meaning of life, free will, and existentialism.[3] Waking Life is centered on a young man who wanders through a succession of dream-like realities wherein he encounters a series of individuals who willingly engage in insightful philosophical discussions. Many questions are posed by the film: How can a person distinguish their dream life from their waking life? Do dreams have any sort of hidden significance or purpose?”

The drinks had lost some of their heat during the drive from S**********, it wasn’t a good thing to happen on such a cold day as this. I marveled at a couple of crows that had arrived and were looking for a place to preoccupy themselves in the overgrown empty field in front of us. As they landed and busied themselves finding something to eat, something was going on in my head, a brief search for any possible deeper meaning signified by their arrival. I was feeling amazed lately at what was going on so I was talking about it with B.

We both felt a big part of the why or how of our journey had to do with wheels set in motion during a period involving shenanigans with psychedelics. Some of the stuff that’s happened has been amazing and if it had been all that happened it was amazing enough that it’s all that needed to have happened for us to feel very grateful. Indebted. Persuaded by or convinced of the power of what we had spent some time playing with.

So much so in fact that here we were still trying to show it respect, keep working on our health with exercise and diet, and not feeling an inkling of desire to go down that road again, to continue to dabble with psychedelics, to disrespect them by abusing them. It’s too big, it’s too much. It’s Too Real. Quite a bit of time has passed since then, many things have happened. We’ve spent the last two years watching to see if it would fade away. Every now and then we take a peek outside from under a blanket. Spend a moment taking a cursory glimpse…

It doesn’t take long if we look for it to see that it feels like it’s still going on. Things that are happening now have their root way back in that moment of time spent tripping. Tripping during a phase where the picture we were in felt unbearable, and a picture we would rather be in was as clear as day. Having a picture in your head that’s as clear as day might be interpreted as having an Intention. There’s a thing about Intention. That the Intention behind why you go down that road, push to experience that journey, go on a Trip, is as big a part of it as the act of doing it. What you will get out of it has everything to do with what you did it for.

Timothy Levitch.
@; “”On this bridge,” Lorca warns, “life is not a dream. Beware. And beware. And beware.” And so many think because Then happened, Now isn’t. But didn’t I mention the ongoing “wow” is happening right now? We are all co-authors of this dancing exuberance where even our inabilities are having a roast. We are the authors of ourselves, co-authoring a gigantic Dostoevsky novel, starring clowns. This entire thing we’re involved with called the world, is an opportunity to exhibit how exciting alienation can be. Life is a matter of a miracle that is collected over time by moments, flabbergasted to be in each other’s presence. The world is an exam to see if we can rise into direct experience. Our eyesight is here as a test to see if we can see beyond it. Matter is here as a test for our curiosity.”

This is a hindsight thing. ‘Integration’. At the time the way I understood Intention was a bit more superficial. It was more of a one liner and immediate; I’m doing this for money, or for love, better luck maybe, something. Weird how one word can be used to mean so many different things. What it feels like now I’m not even sure I’d use that word to mean what I think they mean when it comes to this. It might involve a bit more reflection maybe. An attempt at trying to figure out where you think you are now, where does it feel like you are going? Try to figure out what you will get regardless of what you think you want.

What is inside there that wants to come out? What is still “In” “Tension”..?

The more I read this the more confusing it gets. I’m not being very clear. Did using psychedelics result in us getting what we asked for? Are where we are now thanks to that? Is what is happening now thanks to that? Did they give us some kind of magical supernatural ability to shape reality with mere speech, with thought? Is it reasonable to say that as amazing and wonderful as things are getting, how well things are working out for us, how as unlikely as the possibility of all of this seemed to be, that it’s not just coincidence or the result of hard work, good planning, or just plain old good luck?

Something that was “just” in the stars maybe.

Maybe what was going on “just” involved precognition.

Does it matter that the picture you live in now bears a striking resemblance to the picture you had in your head ten years ago, or that things seem to happen the way you said you wanted them to. Does it matter that it still seems to be happening? Whatever. It’s a theme I need to abandon. What is there is there, to notice it and get caught up in it, to think that it’s something you need to try to build into your worldview, something perhaps you need to pursue, take advantage of, is a contraction. Contractions are no good, contractions are something I need to breath through, let go of. Let it go. Let go.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s